If there’s one thing I’ve gotten used to with having Quadruplets, it’s the questions. Every time I walk out my front door I am reminded that my life is not “normal” having quadruplets and they’re not something you see every day or ever in many cases. I have learned that when estimating the time it will take at any given place I have to tack on another 20mins if I have the babies with me. Rarely do I walk 10 feet without being stopped and asked questions or asked to pose for a picture. Sure, sometimes it gets annoying, especially when I’m in a rush, but I try to think of it from their point of view. I had never seen Quads before I became pregnant with a set of my own and I know I’d be amazed at them too. It seems like many of the conversations between moms of multiples revolve around the questions and comments people have regarding our situations. I thought I’d share a few of my own experiences. Some are completely legit questions and many, you’ll see, are just plain dumb, judge for yourself…
How do you do it?
One day at a time. One hour/minute/second at a time on the bad days.
Are them all twins?
Maybe this is a southern thing? I’ve heard it numerous times. No, “them are not all twins”. With each additional baby comes a completely different term (triplets, quads, quints..etc)
How did you come up with their names?
Brody and Kylee were our “if it’s a boy/if it’s a girl” names. Once realizing there we were expecting two of each we quickly found two others. Bret came up with the name Baxlyn and I immediately shot it down and said “that’s not even a name!” He didn’t push it at all, we moved on, but I kept thinking about it. After a few weeks it grew on me so we went with it. It’s different, yes, but we love it and it fits her PERFECTLY! Korbin was originally going to be Crayton and out of the blue Bret decided he liked Korbin instead. It look a little time to convinve me we were "allowed" to spell it with a "K" if we wanted to ;) Their middle names are our parents’ middle names Brody Coleman (his dad) Baxlyn Hope (his mom) Kylee Mae (my mom) and Korbin Lee (mine and my dad’s).
Are they Natural? Did you…..?
First of all I’ll say this question doesn’t bother me, but MANY moms of multiples find this to be a very personal question and many get very offended. This is the nice way of saying “Did you use fertility drugs?” Many times they leave off the rest of their sentence and hold out the “Did youuuuuuu…..” almost begging you to cut them off with yes or no so they don’t have to ask the actual question. Many people do come out and ask if I used IVF (invitro fertilization) and no, I didn’t. When I answer no their jaw hits the floor because most people assume a pregnancy is either spontaneous (natural) or a result of IVF. There’s actually a lot that can go on in between “natural” and IVF. I took 5 little pills called clomid to help me ovulate. Fertility treatments or no fertility treatments, ultimately God has the final say in how many babies a person will have at a time.
What are they?
I am human, my husband is human therefore we produce miniature humans ;) “What are they”… as in what do you call that many babies born at one time. I find it very entertaining when people try to guess. Here are a few Bret and I have heard “Are they Fourtiples?” “Wow! Quatriplets!” “Quintiples” “I have my hands full with one, I don’t know how you manage Quatwins” “Doubletwins” and my personal favorite “Fourlets”.
Are they identical?
Blonde hair, brown hair, straight hair, curly hair, blue eyes, brown eyes, BOYS, GIRLS…. No they are not identical and they were all in separate sacs.
Did you know you were having four?
I assume people mean one of two things with this question. Either A)“Did you choose to put 4 in?” or B)“Did you know, at the time you gave birth, that four were in there?”. The answer to A: No we didn’t know or chose more than one. We walked in to our first sonogram hoping/expecting to see one heartbeat. The answer to B: Yes. We knew at our first sonogram that there were 4 (possible 5) in there. So yes, when it came time to deliver there were no surprises and no unexpected babies!
Who was born first? What did they weigh?
Birth order is Brody 3lbs, Baxlyn 2lbs10oz, Kylee 2lbs7oz & Korbin 2lbs11oz. Kylee was actually supposed to be born last but slipped down as the pressure relieved and left Korbin to be the caboose! It was weird to see her as "Baby D" in sono pics and then become "Baby C" within split second. When the docs used "Baby D" in NICU Korbin always came to mind until we got used to the switcharoo!
Having another one? Or So I guess you’re done, right?
To be honest, I (we) don’t know. I personally would have another in a heartbeat (I think!). Bret would too, if finances worked in our favor and opened the door. There are many things we think about like; If it is just one, will he or she be in the shadows of the quads their whole life and be known as “the quads’ lil’ sister”. What if it’s more than one? What if we faced the same (minor) issues as the first round and clomid, typically being the first step in fertility issues, was recommended again (no, I wouldn’t take it again). The faster they grow the more I am saddened at the idea that my baby days may be over for good. Who knows what the future holds, God’s the author and he’s been known to do some awesome and unexpected things in the past ;)
Did you deliver vaginally?
Really? I guess I get the curiosity but dude, reallllly? I get it all the time and what’s even more surprising is that most of the time it is old MEN who ask me this question. No, I didn’t. I am not a human machine gun. I had a c-section. Not only would having to push out 4 babies not be good on me, there’s a good chance it would have physically smooshed the tiny babies I had to deliver. By all means it can be done, but not in our particular situation.
Is it getting easier?
I get this question DAILY lately. I could do an entire blog post on this question alone. I’m surprised to get the question in the first place and then I’m even more surprised when they are surprised when I respond with a quick “NOOOOOO!” Although there are many things I really do enjoy about this age, I would go back to the itty bitty stages and overnight feeds in an instant. This time two years ago my house was spotless, I was able to stay ahead of laundry, dishes and all other housework. I could lay the babies down and they would STAY there, I had no reason to sweep/mop 32 times a day. I could go on and perhaps I will in an upcoming blog. Don’t get me wrong as they get older they are more fun but WAY more challenging!!!
You are Brave!
Thanks but being brave has nothing to do with it. I didn’t wake up one day, feel a little “brave” and decide to take on the challenge of having quads. God blessed me with the lil boogers and I do what I have to do on a daily basis to survive and take care of them!
I feel so sorry for you.
All the time. I get this all the time. It’s sad. As much I go on and on about how challenging it is lately, I would not change a thing and feel super blessed to have been given this opportunity.
Glad it’s you and not me!
Yup, me too!
Which one is your favorite?
Brody. Hands down, Brody has been my favorite from day one. I’m kidding, no mom could have a favorite. I do “like” one more than the others on occasion but in all fairness it changes frequently and they all even out ;)
You’re too young to have that many babies.
An old man told me this once and was dead serious. I’m sorry sir, should I sent them back until I’m old enough in your eyes?
You’re too little to have that many babies.
No I’m not and I did.
Quads would be so fun. I hope I have quads one day!
This comes from the ones who really do have a screw or two loose in the head. I get the fun part, there are fun things about it I guess. What gets me is that people “hope” to have quads. If I didn’t think you were a bit looney, I’d invite you over for a week or two to show you what it’s really like. There's so much work that outsiders don't see.
I took clomid and only got one…. Gah.
I got this particular comment back when the babies were in cranial bands. We were at their appointment and a lady was clearly disappointed when I answered the fertility question with “clomid”. She literally rolled her eyes and said those words. I was in absolute shock. Looking back I wish I would have talked to her about the many people who have lost the battle to fertility and would do anything to have a baby. The fact that she was upset she “only” got one still gets under my skin.
Looks like someone needs to lay off the fertility drugs.
Just a few weeks ago a man mumbled this under his breath while I passed by pulling the quads in the wagon, or so he thought he mumbled. I stopped dead in my tracks, looked up at him staring him in the eye and said “What?” He quickly stumbled around looking like a deer in the headlights trying to give me the “…oh well….uh…uhh… ya know uhh….it’s just that you don’t get lucky and get that many babies….right?...”. Until you have been in my situation, don’t judge. Please. You have no idea.
That had to hurt!
Nice huh? Again, mostly from elderly men.
My sister’s friend’s cousin’s dad’s step dog had twins!
If I could have a nickel for everyone who has told me about the person they know who has twins I would have at least two college tuitions completely paid for, without a doubt.
Are you sure they’re quads? “Yes.” But this one has blue eyes and this one has brown eyes….and his hair is blonde…?
How do you do it?
One day at a time. One hour/minute/second at a time on the bad days.
How did you come up with their names?
Brody and Kylee were our “if it’s a boy/if it’s a girl” names. Once realizing there we were expecting two of each we quickly found two others. Bret came up with the name Baxlyn and I immediately shot it down and said “that’s not even a name!” He didn’t push it at all, we moved on, but I kept thinking about it. After a few weeks it grew on me so we went with it. It’s different, yes, but we love it and it fits her PERFECTLY! Korbin was originally going to be Crayton and out of the blue Bret decided he liked Korbin instead. It look a little time to convinve me we were "allowed" to spell it with a "K" if we wanted to ;) Their middle names are our parents’ middle names Brody Coleman (his dad) Baxlyn Hope (his mom) Kylee Mae (my mom) and Korbin Lee (mine and my dad’s).
Are they Natural? Did you…..?
First of all I’ll say this question doesn’t bother me, but MANY moms of multiples find this to be a very personal question and many get very offended. This is the nice way of saying “Did you use fertility drugs?” Many times they leave off the rest of their sentence and hold out the “Did youuuuuuu…..” almost begging you to cut them off with yes or no so they don’t have to ask the actual question. Many people do come out and ask if I used IVF (invitro fertilization) and no, I didn’t. When I answer no their jaw hits the floor because most people assume a pregnancy is either spontaneous (natural) or a result of IVF. There’s actually a lot that can go on in between “natural” and IVF. I took 5 little pills called clomid to help me ovulate. Fertility treatments or no fertility treatments, ultimately God has the final say in how many babies a person will have at a time.
What are they?
I am human, my husband is human therefore we produce miniature humans ;) “What are they”… as in what do you call that many babies born at one time. I find it very entertaining when people try to guess. Here are a few Bret and I have heard “Are they Fourtiples?” “Wow! Quatriplets!” “Quintiples” “I have my hands full with one, I don’t know how you manage Quatwins” “Doubletwins” and my personal favorite “Fourlets”.
Are they identical?
Blonde hair, brown hair, straight hair, curly hair, blue eyes, brown eyes, BOYS, GIRLS…. No they are not identical and they were all in separate sacs.
Did you know you were having four?
I assume people mean one of two things with this question. Either A)“Did you choose to put 4 in?” or B)“Did you know, at the time you gave birth, that four were in there?”. The answer to A: No we didn’t know or chose more than one. We walked in to our first sonogram hoping/expecting to see one heartbeat. The answer to B: Yes. We knew at our first sonogram that there were 4 (possible 5) in there. So yes, when it came time to deliver there were no surprises and no unexpected babies!
Who was born first? What did they weigh?
Birth order is Brody 3lbs, Baxlyn 2lbs10oz, Kylee 2lbs7oz & Korbin 2lbs11oz. Kylee was actually supposed to be born last but slipped down as the pressure relieved and left Korbin to be the caboose! It was weird to see her as "Baby D" in sono pics and then become "Baby C" within split second. When the docs used "Baby D" in NICU Korbin always came to mind until we got used to the switcharoo!
Having another one? Or So I guess you’re done, right?
To be honest, I (we) don’t know. I personally would have another in a heartbeat (I think!). Bret would too, if finances worked in our favor and opened the door. There are many things we think about like; If it is just one, will he or she be in the shadows of the quads their whole life and be known as “the quads’ lil’ sister”. What if it’s more than one? What if we faced the same (minor) issues as the first round and clomid, typically being the first step in fertility issues, was recommended again (no, I wouldn’t take it again). The faster they grow the more I am saddened at the idea that my baby days may be over for good. Who knows what the future holds, God’s the author and he’s been known to do some awesome and unexpected things in the past ;)
Did you deliver vaginally?
Really? I guess I get the curiosity but dude, reallllly? I get it all the time and what’s even more surprising is that most of the time it is old MEN who ask me this question. No, I didn’t. I am not a human machine gun. I had a c-section. Not only would having to push out 4 babies not be good on me, there’s a good chance it would have physically smooshed the tiny babies I had to deliver. By all means it can be done, but not in our particular situation.
Is it getting easier?
I get this question DAILY lately. I could do an entire blog post on this question alone. I’m surprised to get the question in the first place and then I’m even more surprised when they are surprised when I respond with a quick “NOOOOOO!” Although there are many things I really do enjoy about this age, I would go back to the itty bitty stages and overnight feeds in an instant. This time two years ago my house was spotless, I was able to stay ahead of laundry, dishes and all other housework. I could lay the babies down and they would STAY there, I had no reason to sweep/mop 32 times a day. I could go on and perhaps I will in an upcoming blog. Don’t get me wrong as they get older they are more fun but WAY more challenging!!!
You are Brave!
Thanks but being brave has nothing to do with it. I didn’t wake up one day, feel a little “brave” and decide to take on the challenge of having quads. God blessed me with the lil boogers and I do what I have to do on a daily basis to survive and take care of them!
I feel so sorry for you.
All the time. I get this all the time. It’s sad. As much I go on and on about how challenging it is lately, I would not change a thing and feel super blessed to have been given this opportunity.
Glad it’s you and not me!
Yup, me too!
Which one is your favorite?
Brody. Hands down, Brody has been my favorite from day one. I’m kidding, no mom could have a favorite. I do “like” one more than the others on occasion but in all fairness it changes frequently and they all even out ;)
You’re too young to have that many babies.
An old man told me this once and was dead serious. I’m sorry sir, should I sent them back until I’m old enough in your eyes?
You’re too little to have that many babies.
No I’m not and I did.
Quads would be so fun. I hope I have quads one day!
This comes from the ones who really do have a screw or two loose in the head. I get the fun part, there are fun things about it I guess. What gets me is that people “hope” to have quads. If I didn’t think you were a bit looney, I’d invite you over for a week or two to show you what it’s really like. There's so much work that outsiders don't see.
I took clomid and only got one…. Gah.
I got this particular comment back when the babies were in cranial bands. We were at their appointment and a lady was clearly disappointed when I answered the fertility question with “clomid”. She literally rolled her eyes and said those words. I was in absolute shock. Looking back I wish I would have talked to her about the many people who have lost the battle to fertility and would do anything to have a baby. The fact that she was upset she “only” got one still gets under my skin.
Looks like someone needs to lay off the fertility drugs.
Just a few weeks ago a man mumbled this under his breath while I passed by pulling the quads in the wagon, or so he thought he mumbled. I stopped dead in my tracks, looked up at him staring him in the eye and said “What?” He quickly stumbled around looking like a deer in the headlights trying to give me the “…oh well….uh…uhh… ya know uhh….it’s just that you don’t get lucky and get that many babies….right?...”. Until you have been in my situation, don’t judge. Please. You have no idea.
That had to hurt!
Nice huh? Again, mostly from elderly men.
My sister’s friend’s cousin’s dad’s step dog had twins!
If I could have a nickel for everyone who has told me about the person they know who has twins I would have at least two college tuitions completely paid for, without a doubt.
Are you sure they’re quads? “Yes.” But this one has blue eyes and this one has brown eyes….and his hair is blonde…?
This lady argued with me over whether or not they were indeed quads and knew that they couldn’t be based on their individual appearances. Fraternal multiples look no more alike than siblings born at different times. I happened to be there when they were born and I am confident they are in fact quadruplets.
I have four kids too! They were all two years apart so I KNOOOWW how it is!
I hope I don’t offend anyone when I say having 4 children all at different times is not like having quadruplets. I can’t count the number of times someone has told me “Yeah mine were all 2 years apart, believe me, I know what it’s like.” Believe me, you don’t. I admit there are some things you deal with that are harder for example I can throw mine all in a stroller when going to the store, you have two in a stroller two walking/running from you… that’s got to be hard. Please don’t tell me you know what it’s like until you have carried, delivered and are in the process of raising quads yourself.
What daycare/preschool are you with?
I’ve never worked at a daycare, but I don’t think they take their infant/toddler class on field trips….?
Those are just some of the Frequently Asked Questions we get. I hope I haven’t scared you when it comes to asking us questions but some that we get when were out and about, clearly, are a little silly! Here’s a cute video I thought I’d share…
I have four kids too! They were all two years apart so I KNOOOWW how it is!
I hope I don’t offend anyone when I say having 4 children all at different times is not like having quadruplets. I can’t count the number of times someone has told me “Yeah mine were all 2 years apart, believe me, I know what it’s like.” Believe me, you don’t. I admit there are some things you deal with that are harder for example I can throw mine all in a stroller when going to the store, you have two in a stroller two walking/running from you… that’s got to be hard. Please don’t tell me you know what it’s like until you have carried, delivered and are in the process of raising quads yourself.
What daycare/preschool are you with?
I’ve never worked at a daycare, but I don’t think they take their infant/toddler class on field trips….?
Those are just some of the Frequently Asked Questions we get. I hope I haven’t scared you when it comes to asking us questions but some that we get when were out and about, clearly, are a little silly! Here’s a cute video I thought I’d share…
My favs...."human machine gun" and "fourlets"
ReplyDeleteLOL! Love this post and Love you girl!
Great post! I love all of the questions and your responses are perfect! :)
ReplyDeleteOur answer to the question of, "Are they Natural"... Of course they are natural, they are not test tube babies.
ReplyDeleteThe other question we hear alot is, "are they quadtriplets?". One time we heard that from a mom and her 5yr old daughter corrected her and said "no mommy they are quadruplets" lol
Love it.:) soooooooo true.:)
ReplyDeletexoxo
Jenny B